P.S. I Love You

I've been thinking about this post since before I got back from Zambia. Trying to figure out the right words. I still haven't found them. It would be easier to tell you about books I've read, movies I've watched, and things I've eaten. Or the workouts I've done. Or the projects I'm working on. Those things are black and white. They're clean. They can be described with bullet points. But this is different. This is personal. This is something I struggle with. 

One of the very first things I noticed on my very first day at The Havens was how freely Meagan and her interns told the kids "I love you." Those three words just rolled off their tongues again and again. At first, I found myself feeling critical and defensive. I was thinking, "How can they just say that? They just say it like it's nothing. It's not right." But I stopped myself. I stopped myself and started thinking about why I felt that way. 

I realized it's something that makes me uncomfortable to hear. Anyone else like this? There are probably a number of reasons for this that I could bore you with, but I will spare you. And it doesn't really matter who says it. I could've known you forever. I may have even thought I wanted to hear it said. I just tend to cut and run. I don't know what to do with it.

And it's not something I say. I can do the "love ya" thing, but there's something about "I love you." It's like in season 2 of Grey's Anatomy when Cristina has to say "I'm sorry" to Sydney Heron, and she just cannot get it out. I just cannot get those words out. And it's not because I don't love people. There are a number of people that I would do all kinds of things for. Jump through all kinds of hoops. Sacrifice my needs for. Die for. But I've probably never looked them in the eyes and said "I love you."

So, I resolved to practice saying "I love you" to those sweet children. After all, if you can't tell an adorable little child with sparkling brown eyes that you love them, who can you tell? I mean, seriously. Look at this face--

While I was doing a lot better with it by my last day there, I can't say I've done a better job here. It's a challenge. So have you said it? "I love you." Do the people you care most about know that you love them? It's amazing how much power is in those three words. It's incredible how many different emotions and memories come to mind when you here them.

So, if you're like me. Practice saying it. Say, "I love you." Practice in the mirror. Practice with your dog. Just start saying it. If saying, "I love you" comes more naturally to you, you are blessed...keep saying it...make people like me listen...help us learn to say it too.