P.S. I Love You

I've been thinking about this post since before I got back from Zambia. Trying to figure out the right words. I still haven't found them. It would be easier to tell you about books I've read, movies I've watched, and things I've eaten. Or the workouts I've done. Or the projects I'm working on. Those things are black and white. They're clean. They can be described with bullet points. But this is different. This is personal. This is something I struggle with. 

One of the very first things I noticed on my very first day at The Havens was how freely Meagan and her interns told the kids "I love you." Those three words just rolled off their tongues again and again. At first, I found myself feeling critical and defensive. I was thinking, "How can they just say that? They just say it like it's nothing. It's not right." But I stopped myself. I stopped myself and started thinking about why I felt that way. 

I realized it's something that makes me uncomfortable to hear. Anyone else like this? There are probably a number of reasons for this that I could bore you with, but I will spare you. And it doesn't really matter who says it. I could've known you forever. I may have even thought I wanted to hear it said. I just tend to cut and run. I don't know what to do with it.

And it's not something I say. I can do the "love ya" thing, but there's something about "I love you." It's like in season 2 of Grey's Anatomy when Cristina has to say "I'm sorry" to Sydney Heron, and she just cannot get it out. I just cannot get those words out. And it's not because I don't love people. There are a number of people that I would do all kinds of things for. Jump through all kinds of hoops. Sacrifice my needs for. Die for. But I've probably never looked them in the eyes and said "I love you."

So, I resolved to practice saying "I love you" to those sweet children. After all, if you can't tell an adorable little child with sparkling brown eyes that you love them, who can you tell? I mean, seriously. Look at this face--

While I was doing a lot better with it by my last day there, I can't say I've done a better job here. It's a challenge. So have you said it? "I love you." Do the people you care most about know that you love them? It's amazing how much power is in those three words. It's incredible how many different emotions and memories come to mind when you here them.

So, if you're like me. Practice saying it. Say, "I love you." Practice in the mirror. Practice with your dog. Just start saying it. If saying, "I love you" comes more naturally to you, you are blessed...keep saying it...make people like me listen...help us learn to say it too.

Just a Little Bit of Haven on Earth

The Haven. It's about a 25 minute walk from the main Namwianga campus (if you walk at my pace and take the road). There are three houses: #1 is for babies, #2 is for toddlers, #3 is for the kiddos with special needs (CP, club feet, hydrocephalus, TB, HIV). The goal is for the kids to return to their village once they're too old for Haven #2 (or when they get well). If this can't happen, they go across the street to Eric's House. There are house parents, but the Aunties do most of the work involving the children. And it's a lot of work. Meagan is there as to be a medical advocate for each child, make sure their mental development is on track, and teach them English. If you don't know who Meagan is, you need to (1) check out her blog- http://zambianhavenonearth.blogspot.com and (2) watch this video- http://vimeo.com/38504569.

I spent a lot of time here simply hanging out with the kiddos and loving on them. 

I got to experience language class at Haven #2 each day. We sing songs. Read books. Learn colors and body parts. Make good fashions (poses). It's a riot. 

A new baby came. He's the 10th child in his family. The three babies born before him all died, so his parents brought him to the Haven in hopes he will live. 

This little guy has hydrocephalus. We took him to the clinic one day for an ultrasound. We also took the two kids who have CP to the clinic for PT...but I failed at getting a picture!

Child Health Week at the Haven. All the kids received their scheduled vaccinations! I wanted to get several more pictures of this, but my camera died. Of course. 

We celebrated birthdays for three of the kiddos at Haven #2.

That hair.

I was captured by several brown eyes and big smiles. These kids are too cute. 

You've probably guessed that I spent most of my time with the kids at Haven #2. I couldn't help it. Their little personalities. Their excitement. Their pure joy. They're a pretty fun bunch. They also do not spit up as much as the babies. Although, there is the toilet training issue. Let's just say I'm glad that we (in the USA) use burp clothes and have Huggies.  

I had a really great time with Meagan and her interns! I am so thankful that they shared their sweet babies with me.

Where to begin?

Words fail me. I've been meaning to write since I got back from Zambia, but I simply don't know what to say. Anything I say can never do the experience justice. Just like with Mexico and Honduras, there's not a good way to describe it. I can tell you that I had a wonderful time. I can tell you that I met lots of amazing people. I can tell you about the breathtaking sunsets and vast starry skies. I can tell you about the precious children. But it won't come close to experiencing it for yourself. 

My adventure got off to a bit of a rough start. The plane out of OKC was delayed, so I just barely missed the flight from DFW to LHR. There was another flight leaving that night, and, thankfully, I was able to get on it. The plane landed in London around 1330...2 hours after I was hoping to be there. Then, I found out that the ticket I had to get into the city was only good for the Underground/tube...not the Connect (so it took 1.5 hours instead of 30 minutes to get into town). I definitely didn't get to see everything I wanted to! About 48 hours after leaving, I had arrived in Livingstone...without my luggage (which thankfully showed up the next day). Despite it all, I still felt blessed to just be at Namwianga. It was exciting! 

My living quarters at Namwianga. Yeah, that's a thatch roof. Legit. However, it was horrible for my allergies. 

It wasn't long before my heart was captured. 

This sweet little girl attached herself to me after worship on Sunday. Another had written me a note, telling me about herself and family, and asked if I would be her mother. The next day I went to The Havens...so many sweet kiddos...I ended up spending most of my time here. I couldn't help it! I spent a day at the mission's clinic. And another day at Victoria Falls. I'll have to post more about each of these places separately!

I spent my down time getting to know the other people on campus...including a great group of interns from ACU. I wish I could have stayed until they had to leave too! We had a few movie nights with Meagan and her interns. I enjoyed listening to several good stories. I had lots of good laughs. It was a blessed time!

Otherwise, I ate lots of food, drank tons of tea, enjoyed long walks, and even helped neuter a dog. Who would've thought? Really, though. I am quite thankful that our Zambian cook was pretty decent at making American cuisine. I don't think I could've done sheema all the time. Not a big fan. I was surprised by how cold it got at night. I had been warned, but it's hard to mentally grasp the fact that Africa can get that cold. Hence, lots of hot tea. I even went for a hot chocolate every night. Stole blankets from other beds. And slept in fleece.   

My time at Namwianga was far too short. I so wish I could've been there longer. I began to miss everything before leaving. It took everything I had to keep myself together as we drove off. I'm looking forward to when I can go back and be on the medical mission!