P.S. I Love You

I've been thinking about this post since before I got back from Zambia. Trying to figure out the right words. I still haven't found them. It would be easier to tell you about books I've read, movies I've watched, and things I've eaten. Or the workouts I've done. Or the projects I'm working on. Those things are black and white. They're clean. They can be described with bullet points. But this is different. This is personal. This is something I struggle with. 

One of the very first things I noticed on my very first day at The Havens was how freely Meagan and her interns told the kids "I love you." Those three words just rolled off their tongues again and again. At first, I found myself feeling critical and defensive. I was thinking, "How can they just say that? They just say it like it's nothing. It's not right." But I stopped myself. I stopped myself and started thinking about why I felt that way. 

I realized it's something that makes me uncomfortable to hear. Anyone else like this? There are probably a number of reasons for this that I could bore you with, but I will spare you. And it doesn't really matter who says it. I could've known you forever. I may have even thought I wanted to hear it said. I just tend to cut and run. I don't know what to do with it.

And it's not something I say. I can do the "love ya" thing, but there's something about "I love you." It's like in season 2 of Grey's Anatomy when Cristina has to say "I'm sorry" to Sydney Heron, and she just cannot get it out. I just cannot get those words out. And it's not because I don't love people. There are a number of people that I would do all kinds of things for. Jump through all kinds of hoops. Sacrifice my needs for. Die for. But I've probably never looked them in the eyes and said "I love you."

So, I resolved to practice saying "I love you" to those sweet children. After all, if you can't tell an adorable little child with sparkling brown eyes that you love them, who can you tell? I mean, seriously. Look at this face--

While I was doing a lot better with it by my last day there, I can't say I've done a better job here. It's a challenge. So have you said it? "I love you." Do the people you care most about know that you love them? It's amazing how much power is in those three words. It's incredible how many different emotions and memories come to mind when you here them.

So, if you're like me. Practice saying it. Say, "I love you." Practice in the mirror. Practice with your dog. Just start saying it. If saying, "I love you" comes more naturally to you, you are blessed...keep saying it...make people like me listen...help us learn to say it too.

I'm not good!

On my last afternoon at Namwianga, I walked down to the Wasawange village with one of the ACU interns to confirm what I already knew...I'm not good at football (soccer)! Like seriously. You know it's bad when an entire village of African children laugh at you (in unison). They were all standing in a group, and wanted us to head-bump (I don't even know if that's what you call it) the ball to them. Apparently, I'm about as good at that as I am actually playing. My head-bumping skills improved marginally after a few tries. Luckily, they never asked me to legit play. I ended up playing tag instead. I'm decent at that. 

It was a little intimidating how good they were. They had a pretty intense game going.

 The kids were completely fascinated when we pulled out our cameras. Everyone wanted to be in every picture. It's funny because the toddlers at the Haven know to be still and smile when a camera is pointed in their face, but these kids didn't quite get it. They live down the street, and often play football with the kids from Eric's House, but they're worlds away. It was really difficult to get them to stay in one spot while I backed up to get them all in the frame. They wanted to be as close as possible.

I could never get them all looking at the same time!

Thanks, Ashley, for taking this!

There was the one little girl who attached herself to me. She was quiet. I got the impression she got pushed around a lot. And kind of left out. She was so precious. She didn't want to let go of my hand at all. She got to the point where she would cry if the other kids tried to steal my hand from her. She would fuss and brush them away. And I was never able to figure out her name.

Isn't she cute?!

When It was time to leave, we tried to tell the kids that we had to go back. We started walking away, and they followed. All of them. And as we walked through the village, more came, more followed. We tried multiple times to get them to stay behind. They would let us take about five steps, and then they would swarm us again. We got to the main road (and the very edge of their village), and we were still having a hard time getting them to let us go. They asked if we had any "sweeties" (candy), which we didn't...but apparently hair bands are also cool (and fortunately Ashley had a whole pack). Once all the hair bands were passed out, we were able to go on our way. It was a great way to spend my last afternoon! 

They were quite interested in my shoes.

They had some great facial expressions. They'd be great at the Gamma can-can. 

My Experience with Healthcare in Zambia

While in Zambia, I spent a little time at the Namwianga clinic. It's a rural clinic. Fairly small, but it serves many, many people. Mondays are the busiest because it's designated for patients with HIV to come for HAART. I happened to be there during Zambia's Child Health Week, so there were several kiddos coming in for immunizations. 

There's a lab, women & children's ward, men's ward, radiology (X-ray and ultrasound), pharmacy, vaccination room, consult/triage room, physical therapy, L&D, and postpartum rooms. As I understand, there is also a surgical suite for simple procedures. Below is a picture of the L&D suite. Can you imagine? 

I spent my day with the clinic officer, who is a nurse that graduated about 9 months ago...and she basically does what a nurse practitioner would do in the States. It's crazy. She's smart and very good at explaining things. We also had a couple of Zambian nursing students with us, and it was very interesting taking to them and learning about their nursing school experience.

The craziest thing I saw? An elderly woman came in with a tumor on the front of her neck. A tumor that was almost as big as her head. I have never seen a tumor like that before. Oddly enough, she was having headaches...which is why she came in. Part of my was just stunned by how big the tumor was. Another part of me was trying to figure out how (if someone in the States had a tumor like this) you would go about resecting it. Still, another part of me was just saddened. I asked one of the students if she had seen tumors like that before. She said, "Yes. All the time. Don't you?" So I told her how, most of the time, we treat tumors when they're small. She was amazed. 

The most sobering thing? I think that would have to be all the babies and toddlers that came in with these rashes. Rashes from being left in soiled nappies for too long, and not being cleaned up well. I'm not talking about your average diaper rash. I'm talking like the skin on their trunks and legs is super irritated. The clinic officer told me it's pretty common, especially if there are several children in the family...they just get overlooked. Of course, there were also several who were malnourished and (consequently) not meeting developmental milestones. Heartbreaking. 

I mentioned Child Health Week. Part of that involves an experienced nurse taking groups of students out to places like The Haven and smaller villages to make sure every child is immunized. So that's the one picture I was able to get before my camera died. It was quite the event! 

It's always a humbling experience to see healthcare systems in countries like Zambia. And it's a privilege to do whatever you can to help those that come. It makes me extremely thankful for the technology and research we have here. 

Language in Zambia

One of the things that I had the hardest time with in Zambia was getting used to the language. The villagers (at least in the region I was in) speak (Ba)Tonga. You go into town (or stay close to the mission's school), and there are several who speak English. Like real English. Not American English. The difference is epic. And here I was, thinking in Spanish. Seriously. It was so weird. 

I was thrown off by the fact that I could read most everything when we got to Kalomo. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that English was fairly common there. I was taking it all in. Then, amongst the English, was a restaurant called "Elpantano." Spanish. What? (Turns out the owner is from Peru...but the food is pretty American.) 

The Zambian workers around the house would normally speak English. Sometimes, basic greetings would be in Tongan. (I was finally able to manage that.) The workers were also patient enough to try and teach us a little Tongan. After a conversation one night, however, one of the workers said "gracias." That did not help my problem. 

At the Haven, we (Meagan, her interns, and I) spoke mostly English to the kiddos. The Aunties speak Tongan. So, on my first day there, I still managed to learn how to tell a child to sit down in Tongan (I don't know how to spell it, but it's pronounced "cah-lah"). Which, is also one of the first things I learned in Mexico (except obviously in Spanish..."sientense"). Interesting how important it is to be able to communicate "sit down." Regardless of what country you're in. If you're working with kids, you have to be able to tell them to "sit down." 

It also didn't take long for me to learn the term for "white person." It's pronounced "mah-koo-ah." Again, no idea on the spelling. It was like being a "gringo" in Honduras again. The kids in Mexico prefer "chica rubia." It's something you pick up on fairly quick. You know they're talking about you. 

Something interesting I learned? To a Zambian, the phrase "I slept like a log" (or a variation there of) means "I spent the whole night turning/rolling over." Which actually makes a lot of sense. Also, never say, "I'm stuffed." (Like you might after you eat a lot of food.) Their interpretation of that is quite vulgar.  

My favorite thing to hear in their language? The singing. There's just something captivating about their voices and the way they sing. They have so much spirit. And even if you have no idea what it means, you're caught up in it. Most of the time, I have found, they have a leader who will sing a line or two, and then everyone else repeats. There is quite a bit of repeating in general...which makes it a lot easier to join in on the fun. I'm glad I was able to record a couple of my favorites at song night! 

Just a Little Bit of Haven on Earth

The Haven. It's about a 25 minute walk from the main Namwianga campus (if you walk at my pace and take the road). There are three houses: #1 is for babies, #2 is for toddlers, #3 is for the kiddos with special needs (CP, club feet, hydrocephalus, TB, HIV). The goal is for the kids to return to their village once they're too old for Haven #2 (or when they get well). If this can't happen, they go across the street to Eric's House. There are house parents, but the Aunties do most of the work involving the children. And it's a lot of work. Meagan is there as to be a medical advocate for each child, make sure their mental development is on track, and teach them English. If you don't know who Meagan is, you need to (1) check out her blog- http://zambianhavenonearth.blogspot.com and (2) watch this video- http://vimeo.com/38504569.

I spent a lot of time here simply hanging out with the kiddos and loving on them. 

I got to experience language class at Haven #2 each day. We sing songs. Read books. Learn colors and body parts. Make good fashions (poses). It's a riot. 

A new baby came. He's the 10th child in his family. The three babies born before him all died, so his parents brought him to the Haven in hopes he will live. 

This little guy has hydrocephalus. We took him to the clinic one day for an ultrasound. We also took the two kids who have CP to the clinic for PT...but I failed at getting a picture!

Child Health Week at the Haven. All the kids received their scheduled vaccinations! I wanted to get several more pictures of this, but my camera died. Of course. 

We celebrated birthdays for three of the kiddos at Haven #2.

That hair.

I was captured by several brown eyes and big smiles. These kids are too cute. 

You've probably guessed that I spent most of my time with the kids at Haven #2. I couldn't help it. Their little personalities. Their excitement. Their pure joy. They're a pretty fun bunch. They also do not spit up as much as the babies. Although, there is the toilet training issue. Let's just say I'm glad that we (in the USA) use burp clothes and have Huggies.  

I had a really great time with Meagan and her interns! I am so thankful that they shared their sweet babies with me.

Where to begin?

Words fail me. I've been meaning to write since I got back from Zambia, but I simply don't know what to say. Anything I say can never do the experience justice. Just like with Mexico and Honduras, there's not a good way to describe it. I can tell you that I had a wonderful time. I can tell you that I met lots of amazing people. I can tell you about the breathtaking sunsets and vast starry skies. I can tell you about the precious children. But it won't come close to experiencing it for yourself. 

My adventure got off to a bit of a rough start. The plane out of OKC was delayed, so I just barely missed the flight from DFW to LHR. There was another flight leaving that night, and, thankfully, I was able to get on it. The plane landed in London around 1330...2 hours after I was hoping to be there. Then, I found out that the ticket I had to get into the city was only good for the Underground/tube...not the Connect (so it took 1.5 hours instead of 30 minutes to get into town). I definitely didn't get to see everything I wanted to! About 48 hours after leaving, I had arrived in Livingstone...without my luggage (which thankfully showed up the next day). Despite it all, I still felt blessed to just be at Namwianga. It was exciting! 

My living quarters at Namwianga. Yeah, that's a thatch roof. Legit. However, it was horrible for my allergies. 

It wasn't long before my heart was captured. 

This sweet little girl attached herself to me after worship on Sunday. Another had written me a note, telling me about herself and family, and asked if I would be her mother. The next day I went to The Havens...so many sweet kiddos...I ended up spending most of my time here. I couldn't help it! I spent a day at the mission's clinic. And another day at Victoria Falls. I'll have to post more about each of these places separately!

I spent my down time getting to know the other people on campus...including a great group of interns from ACU. I wish I could have stayed until they had to leave too! We had a few movie nights with Meagan and her interns. I enjoyed listening to several good stories. I had lots of good laughs. It was a blessed time!

Otherwise, I ate lots of food, drank tons of tea, enjoyed long walks, and even helped neuter a dog. Who would've thought? Really, though. I am quite thankful that our Zambian cook was pretty decent at making American cuisine. I don't think I could've done sheema all the time. Not a big fan. I was surprised by how cold it got at night. I had been warned, but it's hard to mentally grasp the fact that Africa can get that cold. Hence, lots of hot tea. I even went for a hot chocolate every night. Stole blankets from other beds. And slept in fleece.   

My time at Namwianga was far too short. I so wish I could've been there longer. I began to miss everything before leaving. It took everything I had to keep myself together as we drove off. I'm looking forward to when I can go back and be on the medical mission!